Meet Senator Lindsey Graham, The Saddest Disney Grownup

[ad_1] We have now, on this recess of the USA Senate, been gifted a rare imaginative and prescient of perfection, the apex instance of a social phenomenon lengthy noticed however hardly ever embodied with such an apotheosis of sort: The Unhappy Childless Disney Grownup, as embodied within the individual of 1 Lindsey Graham.

The longtime strongman ruler of South Carolina politics — peace be upon him — determined upon dismissal from the swamps of D.C. and the uncomfortable couches of many a inexperienced room to take respite from lengthy days of agitating for wars and inflicting worldwide kerfuffles to indulge within the joys of what's, for his cash, the very best kingdom of all of them, the Magic one, the place birds sing, princesses flit, and bubble wands could be bought on each nook. Be sure you get those that allow you to substitute the batteries — you don’t need them to expire whenever you take them residence.

(They haven't but dedicated to sending arms to battle the Houthis, however he has a co-del assembly with Buzz Lightyear later to run that down.)

The issues you need to find out about navigating Disney as a childless grownup is that you're their perfect buyer: trapped by nostalgia, burdened with a crippling lack of childhood maturation, and determined for figures who can fill the plain and manifold emotional gaps in your life. So, within the absence of the figures who contribute to a wholesome life, one turns to that previous snug pal, the man with an ear to lend and a “ha HA!” to provide: M-I-C, Ok-E-Y — he’s at all times there for you with a hug and a waffle formed like his head. No judgment right here, only a land the place needs come true.

<img loading="lazy" decoding="async" aria-describedby="caption-attachment-1069163" class="size-large wp-image-1069163" src="https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2026/03/Disney-tmz-767x576.jpg" alt="Credit: TMZ" width="767" height="576" srcset="https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2026/03/Disney-tmz-767x576.jpg 767w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2026/03/Disney-tmz-300x225.jpg 300w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2026/03/Disney-tmz-768x577.jpg 768w, https://dw-wp-production.imgix.net/2026/03/Disney-tmz.jpg 977w" sizes=" (max-width: 767px) 100vw, 767px"/> Credit score: TMZ

The opposite factor you need to know is that you must obtain the app to skip the strains, as a result of rattling if these “affordability” folks don’t have a degree about how a lot it prices to be a devoted Disney grownup within the land of strains and upsells. Although, in equity, the filet mignon at Cinderella’s Royal Desk is the very best steak you’ll ever have. And don’t sleep on the Floating Island, it has strawberry meringue. Delectable!

You’re in cycle? There’s a co-del? There’s a major? Who cares, that’s not vital. This can be a private wellness journey, holding house for the long run we're manifesting. The issues of tomorrow disappear whenever you’re on this particular place. Oh look, it’s Area Mountain! We went to house, we’ll do it once more — we’re America, dammit.

Individuals complain an excessive amount of. Iran is ok. TSA will receives a commission. Fuel costs are a distraction. The vital factor is there's a dwell efficiency developing quickly, and selecting between which character you desire a selfie with is at all times the toughest half. Want Lindsey luck!