Dads discuss ‘crippling’ situation

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After struggling "stress and nervousness" whereas making an attempt for a child, Aled Edwards and his spouse Sophie had been delighted after they discovered she was pregnant.

However, from the primary night time after getting the excellent news, Aled was struck by "crippling nightmares".

On one event, he dreamt he had been fatally wounded whereas preventing off intruders in his residence, dying as he crawled upstairs to inform his household the coast was clear.

In any other case, Aled was having fun with the thought of being a father, so he put it right down to regular first-time dad nerves, oblivious to the psychological well being struggles he was but to face.

Warning: This story accommodates references to psychological well being struggles and suicidal ideas that some readers could discover distressing

Aled's nightmares lasted till six months after his son Sullivan - now seven - was born.

"The precise expertise of getting him and that love and that pleasure was actual and it was there," he mentioned.

"Everyone was joyful and the nightmares disappeared nearly as rapidly as they got here."

However a few years later, when Sophie obtained pregnant with their daughter Bea, the nightmares returned.

"It felt like these ones had been on a complete completely different degree of horrific. I might be an emotional mess all day due to the affect of what I would witnessed in my dream."

Aled, from Bangor, Gwynedd, started to expertise melancholy which affected all areas of his life.

"I felt like I had no motivation to do something, I wasn't joyful about something," the 40-year-old mentioned.

"It sounds actually terrible, however it felt like I simply did not have it in me - from coping with the nightmares - to have that emotional bond [with Bea].

"You see the right Instagram household – that is what I attempted to painting to everyone. I believed by performing that means, finally that may come."

Nevertheless it did not, and in October 2021, when Bea was simply six weeks outdated, Aled left the home one morning with the intention of ending his life and "eliminating the issue".

"I began to overthink this and actually concentrate on, I'm the issue. I might see everyone was beginning to really feel down, due to me."

Aled had beforehand seen a GP, been recognized with antagonistic childhood trauma and prescribed diazepam, an nervousness medicine, however didn't really feel it labored for him.

He mentioned the one factor that stopped him going by with it was the reminiscence of Sullivan "snuggling up" to him in mattress that morning.

So he went to A&E and was met by the police, however felt extra might have been completed to deal with the foundation trigger.

"I do know the NHS is overstretched and I do know we now have an enormous backlog of individuals scuffling with psychological well being on this nation.

"However what occurred following that's not adequate. The system is damaged."

<img sizes="(min-width: 1280px) 50vw, (min-width: 1008px) 66vw, 96vw" srcset="https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/240/cpsprodpb/f453/live/28dfd400-c548-11f0-88be-3bc2aea1a256.png.webp 240w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/320/cpsprodpb/f453/live/28dfd400-c548-11f0-88be-3bc2aea1a256.png.webp 320w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/480/cpsprodpb/f453/live/28dfd400-c548-11f0-88be-3bc2aea1a256.png.webp 480w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/640/cpsprodpb/f453/live/28dfd400-c548-11f0-88be-3bc2aea1a256.png.webp 640w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/800/cpsprodpb/f453/live/28dfd400-c548-11f0-88be-3bc2aea1a256.png.webp 800w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/1024/cpsprodpb/f453/live/28dfd400-c548-11f0-88be-3bc2aea1a256.png.webp 1024w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/1536/cpsprodpb/f453/live/28dfd400-c548-11f0-88be-3bc2aea1a256.png.webp 1536w" src="https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/480/cpsprodpb/f453/live/28dfd400-c548-11f0-88be-3bc2aea1a256.png.webp" loading="lazy" alt="Aled Edwards A man with a ginger beard wearing a black cap, pink tinted sunglasses and a green t shirt. He is sat in a car, and in car seats behind him - both pulling silly faces and making peace signs with their hands - are a young girl with curly ginger hair and a young boy, both wearing striped multi-colour tops." class="sc-5340b511-0 hLdNfA"/> Aled Edwards Aled would have nightmares which often concerned him preventing to guard his spouse, daughter Bea and son Sulli

After making an attempt quite a few drugs with uncomfortable side effects together with issue staying awake and ideas of harming others, Aled's personal analysis led him to contemplate that he could be affected by post-natal melancholy (PND).

"It hadn't been mentioned with me," he mentioned, including one psychological well being specialist advised him he could not have it as a result of he was a person, however a GP later agreed it was the probably reply, solely after Aled advised it.

The NHS says PND impacts greater than 1 in 10 ladies and "also can have an effect on fathers and companions", labelling the thought it solely impacts ladies as "a fable".

After a fruitless seek for a assist group, Aled put a message on Fb in February 2024 to see if some other dads wished to speak.

"Hastily, my social media simply exploded. I had 1000's of messages from males."

A "handful" confirmed up on a deliberate stroll and, over the previous practically two years, has developed right into a neighborhood "constructed round supporting one another".

<img sizes="(min-width: 1280px) 50vw, (min-width: 1008px) 66vw, 96vw" srcset="https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/240/cpsprodpb/e167/live/19f1a770-c548-11f0-88be-3bc2aea1a256.png.webp 240w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/320/cpsprodpb/e167/live/19f1a770-c548-11f0-88be-3bc2aea1a256.png.webp 320w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/480/cpsprodpb/e167/live/19f1a770-c548-11f0-88be-3bc2aea1a256.png.webp 480w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/640/cpsprodpb/e167/live/19f1a770-c548-11f0-88be-3bc2aea1a256.png.webp 640w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/800/cpsprodpb/e167/live/19f1a770-c548-11f0-88be-3bc2aea1a256.png.webp 800w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/1024/cpsprodpb/e167/live/19f1a770-c548-11f0-88be-3bc2aea1a256.png.webp 1024w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/1536/cpsprodpb/e167/live/19f1a770-c548-11f0-88be-3bc2aea1a256.png.webp 1536w" src="https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/480/cpsprodpb/e167/live/19f1a770-c548-11f0-88be-3bc2aea1a256.png.webp" loading="lazy" alt="Aled Edwards A beach at sunset. A man stood on the sand is facing away from the camera, with each hand holding that of a child wrapped up warm - one boy and one girl." class="sc-5340b511-0 hLdNfA"/> Aled Edwards By talking out about his struggles and trying to others for assist, Aled has been in a position to get pleasure from watching his kids develop up

Analysis from Swansea College, published in September , discovered 8% - 13% of fathers skilled melancholy throughout being pregnant and early parenthood.

Prof Ann John, who led the analysis, mentioned that, over the previous 22 years, seven instances as many dads had died by suicide in Wales as mums throughout "the 1,001 important days" - from the conception of a kid as much as its two-year birthday.

She added "this inequality displays variations we see in suicide in women and men within the basic inhabitants".

The six-month research analysed Welsh nationwide well being data, mortality information and psychological well being service use, and revealed there was no nationwide system to trace or categorise paternal suicide, in contrast to maternal mortality.

"Suicide is doubtlessly preventable however on this group of males we'd like pathways, from self-care sources to specialist perinatal psychological well being companies, to be out there and tailor-made to dads in addition to mums," mentioned Prof John.

One of many individuals Aled spoke to when he was organising his How's Dad? assist group was Mark Williams from Bridgend.

Mark skilled PND, alongside along with his spouse Michelle, after their son Ethan was born in 2004.

With Ethan having simply turned 21, he has been reflecting on how his expertise formed each facet of his life.

"Folks will be managing their psychological well being earlier than turning into a guardian after which suddenly they're in that transitional interval and so they simply cannot address it," he mentioned.

Michelle had an emergency caesarean section when Ethan was born and Mark, 51, mentioned it was the "first and solely time I've ever had a panic assault".

"Michelle was on the ward for 3 days and initially she was very clingy, would not let me go. I did not know something about psychological well being again then, so I simply put it right down to tiredness."

Michelle "did not sleep in any way for shut on two weeks" and was recognized with PND.

<img sizes="(min-width: 1280px) 50vw, (min-width: 1008px) 66vw, 96vw" srcset="https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/240/cpsprodpb/a276/live/7d1f0790-c54b-11f0-896d-ef44db2c9533.jpg.webp 240w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/320/cpsprodpb/a276/live/7d1f0790-c54b-11f0-896d-ef44db2c9533.jpg.webp 320w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/480/cpsprodpb/a276/live/7d1f0790-c54b-11f0-896d-ef44db2c9533.jpg.webp 480w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/640/cpsprodpb/a276/live/7d1f0790-c54b-11f0-896d-ef44db2c9533.jpg.webp 640w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/800/cpsprodpb/a276/live/7d1f0790-c54b-11f0-896d-ef44db2c9533.jpg.webp 800w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/1024/cpsprodpb/a276/live/7d1f0790-c54b-11f0-896d-ef44db2c9533.jpg.webp 1024w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/1536/cpsprodpb/a276/live/7d1f0790-c54b-11f0-896d-ef44db2c9533.jpg.webp 1536w" src="https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/480/cpsprodpb/a276/live/7d1f0790-c54b-11f0-896d-ef44db2c9533.jpg.webp" loading="lazy" alt="Mark Williams A man and a woman sat, smiling at the camera, with a dance floor, stage and speakers behind them. The woman has long blonde hair and is wearing a black and white blouse and black cardigan. The man, who has short grey hair and is wearing a navy sweatshirt, has his arm around her." class="sc-5340b511-0 hLdNfA"/> Mark Williams Mark and Michelle each skilled post-natal melancholy at completely different instances after their son Ethan was born

Mark, who was self-employed, was unable to work for six months as he tried to assist her and Ethan, which meant "no cash coming in, mortgage to pay after which the isolation, the loneliness".

He "could not course of" the beginning trauma and, overwhelmed by the transition to fatherhood, skilled "numbness" that led to suicidal ideas.

He drank as a "coping technique" and struggled to bond with Ethan, though now they've "one of the best relationship".

"I do not assume we have many images of us throughout these early years."

He did not know till a decade later that he had consideration deficit hyperactivity dysfunction (ADHD) and – he now realises - PND.

All the things "got here to a head" when Mark had a breakdown in 2009 - practically 5 years after Ethan was born.

"You are feeling not adequate, that your loved ones can be higher off with out you," he mentioned.

"Everybody is aware of me as all the time joking, smiling, it was laborious as a result of I used to be making an attempt to maintain this masks on."

However when Mark began talking out about PND, "the abuse I had was unbelievable".

<img sizes="(min-width: 1280px) 50vw, (min-width: 1008px) 66vw, 96vw" srcset="https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/240/cpsprodpb/b7c6/live/890dfde0-c54b-11f0-896d-ef44db2c9533.jpg.webp 240w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/320/cpsprodpb/b7c6/live/890dfde0-c54b-11f0-896d-ef44db2c9533.jpg.webp 320w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/480/cpsprodpb/b7c6/live/890dfde0-c54b-11f0-896d-ef44db2c9533.jpg.webp 480w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/640/cpsprodpb/b7c6/live/890dfde0-c54b-11f0-896d-ef44db2c9533.jpg.webp 640w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/800/cpsprodpb/b7c6/live/890dfde0-c54b-11f0-896d-ef44db2c9533.jpg.webp 800w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/1024/cpsprodpb/b7c6/live/890dfde0-c54b-11f0-896d-ef44db2c9533.jpg.webp 1024w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/1536/cpsprodpb/b7c6/live/890dfde0-c54b-11f0-896d-ef44db2c9533.jpg.webp 1536w" src="https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/480/cpsprodpb/b7c6/live/890dfde0-c54b-11f0-896d-ef44db2c9533.jpg.webp" loading="lazy" alt="Mark Williams A man in a blue t-shirt and checked shorts, with his arm round a blonde woman in a sundress. In front of them is a young brown-haired boy wearing a black and red sports shirt. They are all looking at the camera and smiling." class="sc-5340b511-0 hLdNfA"/> Mark Williams Mark says he does not have many photos from when Ethan was youthful, however that their bond grew as he "turned extra playful"

Mark now works for charity Psychological Well being Issues Wales, in addition to operating his Fathers Reaching Out advocacy marketing campaign, with the purpose of influencing authorities coverage.

He was finally recognized with melancholy and nervousness however believes its hyperlink to him turning into a father was "not picked up on" as a consequence of most of his signs starting after the official post-natal interval.

"Like myself, numerous fathers find yourself having melancholy after that interval. My work is all a couple of holistic method, parental psychological well being.

"There is a large fable that males do not discuss. They may discuss, in the event you put them in a secure place the place individuals perceive.

"Should you assist dads higher, the outcomes are higher for youngster improvement, decrease antagonistic youngster experiences, youngster security."

<img sizes="(min-width: 1280px) 50vw, (min-width: 1008px) 66vw, 96vw" srcset="https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/240/cpsprodpb/11de/live/95583390-c54b-11f0-896d-ef44db2c9533.jpg.webp 240w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/320/cpsprodpb/11de/live/95583390-c54b-11f0-896d-ef44db2c9533.jpg.webp 320w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/480/cpsprodpb/11de/live/95583390-c54b-11f0-896d-ef44db2c9533.jpg.webp 480w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/640/cpsprodpb/11de/live/95583390-c54b-11f0-896d-ef44db2c9533.jpg.webp 640w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/800/cpsprodpb/11de/live/95583390-c54b-11f0-896d-ef44db2c9533.jpg.webp 800w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/1024/cpsprodpb/11de/live/95583390-c54b-11f0-896d-ef44db2c9533.jpg.webp 1024w,https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/1536/cpsprodpb/11de/live/95583390-c54b-11f0-896d-ef44db2c9533.jpg.webp 1536w" src="https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/news/480/cpsprodpb/11de/live/95583390-c54b-11f0-896d-ef44db2c9533.jpg.webp" loading="lazy" alt="Mark Williams Two men. A younger man on the left has curly brown hair, a black jacket and braces. The older man on the right has short grey hair and is wearing a green jacket. They are both stood in the stands of a sports stadium and are smiling at the camera." class="sc-5340b511-0 hLdNfA"/> Mark Williams Mark and Ethan now get pleasure from spending time collectively, watching Cardiff Metropolis and occurring vacation

Simon Jones, head of coverage and campaigns at Thoughts Cymru, mentioned the charity's analysis had discovered many males reported experiencing a birth-related psychological well being situation, with 9% recognized with PTSD.

"We've got to make sure that assist is out there each throughout being pregnant and after beginning, in recognition that these life adjustments can pose completely different challenges."

The Welsh authorities mentioned it recognised "the distinctive challenges confronted by males which might make them weak to poor psychological well being and emotional wellbeing, together with turning into new fathers".

It added its mental mealth and wellbeing and suicide prevention and self-harm methods, printed in April, "set out our cross-sector method to enhancing understanding of those challenges, prioritising security and guaranteeing compassionate and person-centred assist is out there for everybody, each time they want it".

Mark mentioned a complete shift in societal attitudes was wanted, including: "Modern-day masculinity, to be a person, ought to be about speaking about emotions, speaking about feelings.

"That is what I train my son."

Aled added: "I used to be one in all these folks that was naive sufficient to only dismiss it. I practically misplaced my life as a result of I used to be pondering this could not occur to me.