Do I’ve to purchase birthday presents for my 18 nieces and nephews? : NPR

[ad_1] <img src="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/6240x4160+0+0/resize/1100/quality/50/format/jpeg/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Faf%2Fbe%2Feb4060cc41439863f11c20e091f2%2Fdlk-gifts-gettyimages-2209775324-copy.jpg" data-template="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/6240x4160+0+0/resize/{width}/quality/{quality}/format/{format}/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Faf%2Fbe%2Feb4060cc41439863f11c20e091f2%2Fdlk-gifts-gettyimages-2209775324-copy.jpg" class="img" alt="A collage shows a calendar with four dates circled in red, symbolizing birthdays. A hand, colored in red, points to one of the dates, and colorfully-wrapped birthday gifts fall down from the sky in the background. " fetchpriority="high"/> When disagreements centered round cash come up between family members, be careful for "relationship challenges masquerading as cash challenges," says Katie Gatti Tassin, creator of Wealthy Woman Nation: Taking Cost of Our Monetary Futures. Mininyx Doodle/Getty Photos; Anna Efetova/Getty Photos/Collage by NPR cover caption

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Mininyx Doodle/Getty Photos; Anna Efetova/Getty Photos/Collage by NPR Expensive Life Package is NPR's recommendation column, the place consultants reply difficult questions on relationships, social etiquette, work tradition and extra.

Have a query you need to ask Expensive Life Package anonymously? Share it right here. For our subsequent episode, we're searching for your queries on doubt and decision-making in relationships.

These questions have been answered by Wendy De La Rosa, a behavioral scientist and an assistant professor of promoting on the Wharton College on the College of Pennsylvania, and Katie Gatti Tassin, host of The Cash with Katie Present and creator of the guide Wealthy Woman Nation. The dialog has been edited for size and readability.

Expensive Life Package,

I am an auntie to 18 nieces and nephews. My sisters say it is unfair I solely purchase presents for a few of them. I am doing effectively financially, however presents for 18 nieces and nephews add up. I haven't got robust bonds with all of my siblings, and it is the identical with my nieces and nephews, most of whom are youngsters. — Mutual funding required

Gatti Tassin: I am assuming that is about birthday presents, however there are additionally the vacations. So, theoretically, if everyone is getting a gift, that is 36 presents a 12 months. I believe that's unreasonable.

It is pure in massive households to have nearer relationships with some individuals than others. There are different methods you may acknowledge somebody's birthday or a vacation with out feeling like it's worthwhile to shell out cash. Possibly it is sending a birthday card.

De La Rosa: Cash is only a symptom of the core concern, which is somebody asking for closeness and connection. Your siblings are saying, "Hey, I would like you to like my kids in the identical approach you're keen on our different siblings' kids. How can we turn into nearer?"

I'd ask the letter author to consider her values. How would you like these kids to really feel? Do you need to be a big a part of their lives? If the reply is sure, take into consideration inventive methods you may present up to your nieces and nephews that do not depart you in monetary damage.

Are you able to arrange a household gathering the place you may give all the kids an superior reminiscence? That may go such a great distance.

Gatti Tassin: Questions like these are sometimes relationship challenges masquerading as cash challenges.

Expensive Life Package,

My pricey good friend was just lately identified with Stage 4 most cancers at 35. We have been shut associates for years. She and her partner are underemployed and uninsured. The price of remedy is her greatest stressor, and the techniques to assist her are transferring extra slowly than the fast-moving most cancers.

I am pissed off with my good friend for not having insurance coverage, however I am additionally grateful to be in a monetary place to assist her. I am attempting to resolve how a lot cash to offer her, however when I attempt to measure my good friend's life towards my each day comforts and future plans for my financial savings, I really feel like I am placing a price ticket on her life. How do I resolve how a lot of my financial savings to maintain for myself and the way a lot to present my good friend? — Budgeting for bestie

Gatti Tassin: It is unfair that you just're all going by means of this, and it is unfair that our policymakers have put individuals within the place to must make these kinds of trade-offs when somebody's life is on the road.

With out insurance coverage, a Stage 4 most cancers analysis in the USA might be going to be a whole lot of hundreds, if not hundreds of thousands of {dollars} in some excessive circumstances, to deal with out-of-pocket. So except that's the stage of economic stability you are coping with, she is going to most certainly want to search out one other answer.

De La Rosa: I've a really shut good friend who's coping with a most cancers analysis, and having been by means of this for a 12 months now, I'd say one of the vital impactful issues you are able to do is determine deliver pleasure into your good friend's life.

Take into consideration spend cash in a approach that might deliver her consolation. Are you able to create a memorable expertise for her earlier than she has to undergo one other spherical of chemo? That is the place I'd channel the eye.

Gatti Tassin: The opposite factor I'd add is that navigating the U.S. well being care system can really feel like a full-time job. When you could have a serious well being occasion, having somebody who can play that "medical secretary" position for you and enable you to keep up to the mark is usually a godsend.

In case your good friend has not but tried to get on Medicaid, I believe that could be a path price pursuing. That may be a sensible approach to assist her out, and it might find yourself having an enormous monetary affect.

It may additionally give her some peace of thoughts that issues aren't slipping by means of the cracks and he or she's not going by means of that course of alone.

Expensive Life Package,

I am in my late 20s, and I nonetheless reside with my mother and father. I've a full-time job, and I've lastly scrounged up sufficient cash to maneuver out.

My mother and father are horrible with cash. They make six instances my wage, however continually overdraft their accounts. They nonetheless speak to me like I am 16, however then they ask me to bail them out, which I've executed many instances. Now they're attempting to guilt me into staying as an alternative of lastly getting my very own place. What ought to I do? — Determined to divest

De La Rosa: Take into consideration issues you are able to do [financially for your parents] that fall inside your boundaries. That may imply protecting the electrical energy or cell phone invoice. It is a approach of claiming "I am not leaving you. I care about you. I am so grateful for every thing you have executed. Nevertheless it's time for me to maneuver out, and I will help you on this approach."

Gatti Tassin: You talked about they make much more cash than you do. I am curious, is that this a monetary literacy drawback? In that case, possibly you rent somebody to assist educate them handle their cash.

De La Rosa: As you are getting ready to have this dialog along with your mother and father, be solidified in that nevertheless your mother and father present up, it isn't your accountability. Our mother and father' errors are usually not our errors.

Possibly the dialog will go nice. Possibly it will not. So long as you're feeling such as you're doing one thing that is necessary to you, and that you just're attempting to indicate up from a spot of affection, then it is OK.

The podcast episode was produced by Andee Tagle. The digital story was edited by Malaka Gharib. The visible editor is Beck Harlan. We might love to listen to from you. Depart us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or electronic mail us at LifeKit@npr.org.