My pal will not cease making ugly remarks about her look : NPR

[ad_1] <img src="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/8000x6000+0+0/resize/1100/quality/50/format/jpeg/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F34%2Fe3%2F5b2a3e1742d5bda9a18cb2be70ad%2Flk-dlk-body-image-3-gettyimages-2199157615-copy.jpg" data-template="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/8000x6000+0+0/resize/{width}/quality/{quality}/format/{format}/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F34%2Fe3%2F5b2a3e1742d5bda9a18cb2be70ad%2Flk-dlk-body-image-3-gettyimages-2199157615-copy.jpg" class="img" alt="A photo collage shows a cut-out of a person's head in half-tone style as they rest their chin in their hand. The top of their head above the nose is cut off, and neon yellow squiggles represent feelings of jealousy and confusion as they process. The background of the image is cobalt blue. " fetchpriority="high"/>

Alona Horkova/Getty Picture Expensive Life Equipment is NPR's recommendation column, the place consultants reply difficult questions on relationships, social etiquette, work tradition and extra.

Have a query you wish to ask Expensive Life Equipment anonymously? Share it right here. For our subsequent episode, we're searching for your queries on doubt and decision-making in relationships.

These questions have been answered by Ronald Younger Jr., host of the podcast Weight for It, and Katie Sturino, creator of Physique Speak: Find out how to Embrace Your Physique and Begin Dwelling Your Finest Life. The dialog has been edited for size and readability.

<img src="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/6364x4000+0+0/resize/1100/quality/50/format/jpeg/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fec%2F1b%2F87ac2af749bf99ffd80d9975d653%2Fdlk-katie-sturino-and-ronald-young-jr.jpg" data-template="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/6364x4000+0+0/resize/{width}/quality/{quality}/format/{format}/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fec%2F1b%2F87ac2af749bf99ffd80d9975d653%2Fdlk-katie-sturino-and-ronald-young-jr.jpg" class="img" alt="Left: A portrait of Katie Sturino from the waist up, she's facing the camera wearing a soft smile and a light pink suit and a pearl necklace, standing in front of a gray wall. Right: A three-quarters portrait of Ronald Young Jr. wearing a black tee-shirt and headphones and holding a mic with a windscreen as he looks off out of the left of the frame, smiling. " loading="lazy"/> Left: Katie Sturino is the creator of Physique Speak: Find out how to Embrace Your Physique and Begin Dwelling Your Finest Life. Proper: Ronald Younger Jr. is the host of the podcast, "Weight For It." Left: Kelsey Cherry; Proper: Pamela Perez, The June Press conceal caption

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Left: Kelsey Cherry; Proper: Pamela Perez, The June Press Expensive Life Equipment,

A superb pal of mine usually makes disparaging feedback about her look, saying she feels "fats" or "gross." I feel she appears to be like nice, however each time I attempt to reassure her, she dismisses me.

Her commentary is beginning to make me really feel anxious about my very own look. How can I inform her I do not wish to hear her speak like this? —Not unfavorable Nancy

Sturino: There are a few methods you may deal with this.

First, ask your self: Is that this a friendship I would like in my life? If not, possibly it is a weed you must pull and transfer on from to guard your self.

The second strategy is to supply an try to go on a optimistic journey collectively. You would possibly say, "Hey, pal, I do not like the best way you discuss my pal. Would you ever wish to attempt some affirmations collectively?" See how she reacts to that.

Younger: You too can say, "Whenever you begin speaking about being fats, it places us each in a spot the place I do not know the way I am supposed to assist. What's it going to take for us to spice up your confidence and the way can I be there to help you?"

If she would not reply to that, then I might say to distance. That does not imply abandonment or neglect. It simply means, "If you are going to be over there doing that, I will be over right here rooting for you. However I am unable to be in it with you."

Expensive Life Equipment,

My brother-in-law likes to name folks by "humorous" names. His title for me blends my title with the phrase "anorexia," despite the fact that I've by no means been underweight or skilled disordered consuming. I've requested him to cease. His response: "Cannot you are taking a joke?"

Just lately, my sister baked a cake and provided me a slice, which I accepted eagerly. My brother-in-law leaned over to me and stated, "You do not wish to eat that. You will simply have to stay your finger down your throat later."

My daughters, who're 13 and 11, appeared shocked and confused, however nobody else in my household reacted. Now my youngsters do not wish to attend occasions if he'll be there.

I am torn between eager to take part in household occasions and never eager to topic myself and my daughters to this sort of teasing and my household's normalization of the habits. What can I do? —Bullied by brother-in-law.

Sturino: The sort of remark out of your brother-in-law is an indicator of what your sister could be coping with behind closed doorways. That is not one thing you may drive a pal, a member of the family or anybody in your life to appreciate.

However you may make selections for your self. I like that you just talked to your youngsters about it. And I like that your youngsters have been like, "I do not wish to be round this."

I might speak on to your brother-in-law as a result of your sister might need to facet along with her partner to keep up peace within the house.

Younger: If we're leaving the sister out of this fully, then I might go straight to the bully and say, "Cease doing this. When you do, I will name it out each time and make it awkward for everybody. I should not need to be the one to give up going to household occasions due to another person's poor habits."

Expensive Life Equipment,

My accomplice and I've each been on GLP-1 (glucagon-like peptide-1), weight reduction drugs, for about eight months. She's shedding pounds a lot quicker than me, and it is exhausting to not evaluate my physique to hers. How can I handle my jealousy whereas nonetheless celebrating the modifications in her personal physique? —Aggressive companion

Younger: The couple must reassess their objectives. The burden loss can't simply be a few quantity, or aesthetics, or what you seem like in your garments. It needs to be about one thing else. Possibly it is a strolling purpose. Possibly it is a marathon.

As an illustration, if she is now capable of climb the steps with out being out of breath or go on lengthy walks and hikes, we now have one thing to really rejoice.

Anybody who has misplaced a large quantity of weight, that's not your largest accomplishment in life. There are different belongings you've achieved that I can be prouder of you for than shedding pounds.

The digital story was edited by Malaka Gharib. The visible editor is Beck Harlan. We might love to listen to from you. Depart us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or e-mail us at LifeKit@npr.org.