Engler factors to Gottman’s 4 Horsemen—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—recognized by psychologists John and Julie Gottman to explain what they name the 4 harmful communication patterns that usually trigger a relationship to interrupt down. Contempt, criticism, and defensiveness go hand-in-hand with harsh honesty, she says. “These issues will put on someone all the way down to the purpose that they’re prepared to depart,” she says. “You actually can’t underestimate the harm they’ll do.”
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