When to know to name it quits : NPR

[ad_1] "If at first you do not succeed, attempt once more." "Winners by no means give up and quitters by no means win."

Our tradition has lots of sayings towards quitting, making it seem to be a failure. However typically, abandoning a purpose means opening up house for one thing higher.

<img src="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/3000x3000+0+0/resize/100/quality/100/format/jpeg/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fce%2F55%2Ffdc1ee60436f9a587c73e60e93a6%2F7de24f84-f917-4161-b206-b0365ef795f7.jpg" data-template="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/3000x3000+0+0/resize/{width}/quality/{quality}/format/{format}/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fce%2F55%2Ffdc1ee60436f9a587c73e60e93a6%2F7de24f84-f917-4161-b206-b0365ef795f7.jpg" data-format="jpeg" class="img lazyOnLoad" alt="Quitting isn't always bad. How to know when it's time to walk away" loading="lazy"/> Life Equipment Quitting is not at all times dangerous. The way to know when it is time to stroll away

Cognitive psychologist Annie Duke, writer of Stop: The Energy of Realizing When to Stroll Away; profession educator Colin Rocker; and psychologist and professor Angela Duckworth clarify how you can know when it is time to transfer on.

<img src="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2000x2500+0+0/resize/1100/quality/50/format/png/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F1c%2F03%2F8cbbe5e04458b1f56e2492aa5ae4%2F1-digital-quitting-min.png" data-template="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2000x2500+0+0/resize/{width}/quality/{quality}/format/{format}/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F1c%2F03%2F8cbbe5e04458b1f56e2492aa5ae4%2F1-digital-quitting-min.png" class="img" alt="7 signs it’s time to call it quits.

Sometimes it’s hard to know when to give up on a goal. We keep at it because we don’t want to look like a failure or because we’ve already put so much effort into it. A white woman with long dark hair curls up in bed reading a book. “This is so boring, but I gotta finish,” she thinks, looking glum. “I’m already halfway through!”

But there are moments in life when it’s actually better to quit, says Annie Duke, a cognitive psychologist. “If you’re doing it in a situation where you ought to be walking away, that’s a success,” says Duke, a white woman with long brown hair wearing a black top. The reader from earlier tosses her book over her shoulder, walking away. " loading="lazy"/>

<img src="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2000x2500+0+0/resize/1100/quality/50/format/png/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F92%2F63%2F7d62b44345be8c58f9b5fe51a2db%2F2-quitting-min.png" data-template="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2000x2500+0+0/resize/{width}/quality/{quality}/format/{format}/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F92%2F63%2F7d62b44345be8c58f9b5fe51a2db%2F2-quitting-min.png" class="img" alt="That’s because quitting can give you the room to bloom and find your next opportunity. The woman, looking really excited now, picks up a new book.

But how do you know when a dream is no longer worth the time, stress or resources? The plot of her book unfolds. A knight, exhausted, gives up slaying a dragon and talks to it instead: “You know what — I think I need to try something else.”

Experts share signs to watch out for. " loading="lazy"/>

<img src="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2000x2500+0+0/resize/1100/quality/50/format/png/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F52%2F2d%2Fecc792ac48b58b6c99c0097db22a%2F3-quitting-min.png" data-template="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2000x2500+0+0/resize/{width}/quality/{quality}/format/{format}/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F52%2F2d%2Fecc792ac48b58b6c99c0097db22a%2F3-quitting-min.png" class="img" alt="Sign No. 1: You’re seriously thinking about quitting. Our culture is biased against quitting, Duke says, so if the thought stays on your mind, it means that it has clearly been weighing on you and it could be time to make a change. A buff Asian man with short black hair sits in front of a laptop, looking stressed. Messages from his boss flood in: “Hello?? Did you see my message? Please respond ASAP.” “Ugh …,” he thinks.

If you’re at that point, set a deadline to give yourself a fixed amount of time to deliberate on your decision and come up with an off-ramp plan. The same man, now looking resolved and determined, makes a plan: “I’m OK to work another year here. I can’t afford to quit right now, so I’ll use the time to look for other jobs.” " loading="lazy"/>

<img src="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2000x2500+0+0/resize/1100/quality/50/format/png/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F1a%2Fce%2Fcf13bb664deab4bb3801b7b42561%2F4-quitting-min.png" data-template="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2000x2500+0+0/resize/{width}/quality/{quality}/format/{format}/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F1a%2Fce%2Fcf13bb664deab4bb3801b7b42561%2F4-quitting-min.png" class="img" alt="Sign No. 2: It’s just not what you want anymore. What you wanted a few months or years ago may not be what you want now, and that’s OK, says Colin Rocker, a career educator. Then: A Black woman with natural hair worn loose makes a cup on a pottery wheel. “I love this!” she thinks. “I should do this for a living.”

Now: She stands among lots of boxes and papers, packing orders with other people for her pottery business. “Even with all the help, I hate running my own business,” she thinks. “I want to have fun making things for myself again. Maybe that’s all I ever wanted.”

If you’re at this point, figure out what you do want now. If it’s different from before, start thinking about what would fulfill that desire instead. " loading="lazy"/>

<img src="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2000x2500+0+0/resize/1100/quality/50/format/png/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F21%2F0a%2F07b70ff643619d01c0f237dba1a6%2F5-quitting-min.png" data-template="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2000x2500+0+0/resize/{width}/quality/{quality}/format/{format}/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F21%2F0a%2F07b70ff643619d01c0f237dba1a6%2F5-quitting-min.png" class="img" alt="Sign No. 3: You would quit, if it weren’t for … Think about why you’ve stuck around for so long. Maybe you’re scared of disappointing someone or feel like you’re in too deep to quit, Rocker says. A blond white woman wearing cropped athletic clothes jogs through a cold breeze, shivering. “If I just got sick, then I wouldn’t have to run the next race and my dad wouldn't be disappointed.”

Sometimes we’ve spent so long on a path that we feel like we have to stick with it, even when it’s not beneficial. It’s a phenomenon called the sunk-cost fallacy, says Duke. In that case, be honest with yourself about why those things matter more than what you want. The runner now swims through water, weighed down by a huge shiny anchor. " loading="lazy"/>

<img src="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2000x2500+0+0/resize/1100/quality/50/format/png/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fe1%2Fa0%2Fedf10ce64c4cb6a4babd736e3c4a%2F6-quitting-min.png" data-template="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2000x2500+0+0/resize/{width}/quality/{quality}/format/{format}/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fe1%2Fa0%2Fedf10ce64c4cb6a4babd736e3c4a%2F6-quitting-min.png" class="img" alt="Sign No. 4: Everything about it feels hard, like really hard. Success requires grit: a combination of perseverance and passion, says psychologist Angela Duckworth. To reach a goal, you need to be able to work hard, but you also need to like what you’re doing. “Sorry friends!” a person with a colorful mullet and piercings thinks, while playing the saxophone in a jazz band. “But I don’t think I actually like this.”

If you find that your goal takes a lot of effort and you’re not having fun anymore, maybe it’s time to make a change. The same person now DJs in a nightclub, looking really happy. “Wow, I get to do this?!” the person thinks.

To reduce your chances of quitting in the future, learn to “choose easy” — something that naturally resonates with you, Duckworth says. " loading="lazy"/>

<img src="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2000x2500+0+0/resize/1100/quality/50/format/png/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fcf%2F55%2Fe9d17366449aaebf88498b1f19cc%2F7-quitting-min.png" data-template="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2000x2500+0+0/resize/{width}/quality/{quality}/format/{format}/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fcf%2F55%2Fe9d17366449aaebf88498b1f19cc%2F7-quitting-min.png" class="img" alt="Sign No. 5: You don’t love your chances of success. You’ve done the math, and the probability of, say, becoming a pro-skateboarder at age 30 is pretty low — especially because you’ve never skated before! An Indian woman wearing a long kurta top and helmet puts on knee pads as she watches a how-to video. “Let’s get started!” the video says.

Calculate how likely you are to reach your goal by doing research, says Duke, and then find out how comfortable you are with your chances. The aspiring pro-skateboarder watches a compilation video of professional skaters doing tricks during competitions. " loading="lazy"/>

<img src="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2000x2500+0+0/resize/1100/quality/50/format/png/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F7a%2Ff6%2Fcf19f7ef44b5a6aef84b69d3b748%2F8-quitting-min.png" data-template="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2000x2500+0+0/resize/{width}/quality/{quality}/format/{format}/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F7a%2Ff6%2Fcf19f7ef44b5a6aef84b69d3b748%2F8-quitting-min.png" class="img" alt="If you’re OK with a lower chance, keep going. If not, it’s perfectly fine to choose another goal you’re more likely to achieve, says Duke. The woman wobbles on a skateboard before getting the hang of it and pushing off. “It’s a long shot, but I still wanna skate,” she thinks. “Can’t hurt to try!”

Sign No. 6: Your loved ones say it might be time to let go. If your very best friends are saying this to you, listen to them, Duke says. They can see your situation from a different perspective because they’re not carrying around the baggage and sunk costs of your experience. A white man with wavy hair, stubble and an arm limb difference sits at his desk in the dark. “I hate this,” he thinks as he looks down at his notebook. “Maybe I should just quit writing this book.” " loading="lazy"/>

<img src="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2000x2500+0+0/resize/1100/quality/50/format/png/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F68%2F77%2Ffbf29a8d4d77830f3f4c5e732d8c%2F9-quitting-min.png" data-template="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2000x2500+0+0/resize/{width}/quality/{quality}/format/{format}/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F68%2F77%2Ffbf29a8d4d77830f3f4c5e732d8c%2F9-quitting-min.png" class="img" alt="For the same reasons, you’ll want to listen to them if they’re telling you to keep going. Two of the man’s friends come up to him: a pregnant woman with curly hair and a Black man with a short fade. “I’ve seen how much this means to you,” the male friend says. “It’s hard, but I think you should keep at it.”

Sign No. 7: Your goal is costing you … a lot. Duckworth suggests looking at the opportunity cost: Is the time you’re spending on this goal keeping you from investing in other things that might make you happier? The man from much earlier sits at his desk, still frustrated with his job. He ignores messages from loved ones on his phone. “Hey, drinks tonight?” asks a friend. “Miss you. Call me when you’re not so busy,” says Mom. “Working late? Miss you,” says someone titled Sweetheart. " loading="lazy"/>

<img src="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/1162x1162+690+1217/resize/100/quality/100/format/jpeg/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fb8%2F6c%2F980be7bd4c379b4a864cfbdf2bd7%2Fcompliments10.jpg" data-template="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/1162x1162+690+1217/resize/{width}/quality/{quality}/format/{format}/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fb8%2F6c%2F980be7bd4c379b4a864cfbdf2bd7%2Fcompliments10.jpg" data-format="jpeg" class="img lazyOnLoad" alt="A person taking a gift and throwing it in the trash. " loading="lazy"/> Life Equipment If compliments make you're feeling tremendous awkward, this comedian is for you

<img src="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/1900x1900+739+0/resize/100/quality/100/format/jpeg/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fe0%2F40%2Fc2d7e30747c3b87aef3048ba8efe%2Flk-la-johnson-intrusive-thoughts-2.jpg" data-template="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/1900x1900+739+0/resize/{width}/quality/{quality}/format/{format}/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fe0%2F40%2Fc2d7e30747c3b87aef3048ba8efe%2Flk-la-johnson-intrusive-thoughts-2.jpg" data-format="jpeg" class="img lazyOnLoad" alt="An illustration shows a woman holding her baby close to her chest. She has a speech bubble above her head that reads: "Ack!" She stares head-on into a spiraling staircase that continues to spiral, symbolizing intrusive thoughts. The illustration is hand drawn and colored in shades of black, white and mauve." loading="lazy"/> Life Equipment What it is wish to reside with intrusive ideas, illustrated

This episode of Life Equipment was produced by Margaret Cirino. It was edited by Malaka Gharib. The visible editor is Beck Harlan.

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