Why it is so arduous to simply accept a praise : NPR

[ad_1] Love your outfit! Nice presentation! Cool glasses! When somebody praises you, do you settle for it? Or dismiss it?

Your response says quite a bit about how you're feeling about your self, and it will probably have an effect on how the opposite individual feels too, say researchers.

Social psychologist Erica Boothby and behavioral scientist Xuan Zhao clarify the science of compliments — and make the case for accepting somebody's form remarks about you.

<img src="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2500x3125+0+0/resize/1100/quality/50/format/jpeg/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F6f%2F9b%2F56428e704ffca773fa72ee7ab43f%2Fcompliments-1.jpg" data-template="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2500x3125+0+0/resize/{width}/quality/{quality}/format/{format}/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F6f%2F9b%2F56428e704ffca773fa72ee7ab43f%2Fcompliments-1.jpg" class="img" alt=" Many of us are bad at taking compliments.

We deflect, negate, freeze up and sometimes visibly cringe. " loading="lazy"/>

<img src="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2500x3125+0+0/resize/1100/quality/50/format/jpeg/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Ffd%2Fc5%2Fb98c5a354f64bc8a4cdd940d2f6a%2Fcompliments5.jpg" data-template="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2500x3125+0+0/resize/{width}/quality/{quality}/format/{format}/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Ffd%2Fc5%2Fb98c5a354f64bc8a4cdd940d2f6a%2Fcompliments5.jpg" class="img" alt="However, here in the United States, compliments are seen as an unconditional gift, Zhou says. The giver is not expecting you to … ... praise them back … justify their compliment … pay them back in another way

Declining a compliment can also make the giver feel rejected.

" loading="lazy"/>

<img src="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2500x3125+0+0/resize/1100/quality/50/format/jpeg/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F37%2F2b%2Fb2e8b3374c709c7eb3ca4e63851a%2Fcompliments6.jpg" data-template="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2500x3125+0+0/resize/{width}/quality/{quality}/format/{format}/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F37%2F2b%2Fb2e8b3374c709c7eb3ca4e63851a%2Fcompliments6.jpg" class="img" alt="Even if it feels hard, there are good reasons to accept a compliment. Studies have shown that genuine praise makes you feel happier.

ZHAO talking: “When you receive a compliment, the reward circuit of your brain lights up, as if you were receiving money.” Zhao says.

The same goes for giving compliments, Zhao says. “It helps you see the good things around you better.” " loading="lazy"/>

<img src="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2500x3125+0+0/resize/1100/quality/50/format/jpeg/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fea%2F10%2F8edd28b54ad28f3a9c3935a34674%2Fcompliments7.jpg" data-template="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2500x3125+0+0/resize/{width}/quality/{quality}/format/{format}/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fea%2F10%2F8edd28b54ad28f3a9c3935a34674%2Fcompliments7.jpg" class="img" alt="Even if it feels hard, there are good reasons to accept a compliment. Studies have shown that genuine praise makes you feel happier.

ZHAO talking: “When you receive a compliment, the reward circuit of your brain lights up, as if you were receiving money.” Zhao says.

The same goes for giving compliments, Zhao says. “It helps you see the good things around you better.” " loading="lazy"/>

<img src="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2500x3125+0+0/resize/1100/quality/50/format/jpeg/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F9e%2F8d%2Fb6eaa99841008e50196f14095b96%2Fcompliments9psd.jpg" data-template="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2500x3125+0+0/resize/{width}/quality/{quality}/format/{format}/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F9e%2F8d%2Fb6eaa99841008e50196f14095b96%2Fcompliments9psd.jpg" class="img" alt="If the spirit moves you, you might try paying a genuine compliment to someone else.

If you’re worried it might make someone feel awkward, Zhou’s research shows it lands better than you think.

" loading="lazy"/>

<img src="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2500x3125+0+0/resize/1100/quality/50/format/jpeg/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F03%2F23%2F70c473c04f3ba4e4ee4850e1243f%2Fcompliments-10-final.jpg" data-template="https://npr.brightspotcdn.com/dims3/default/strip/false/crop/2500x3125+0+0/resize/{width}/quality/{quality}/format/{format}/?url=http%3A%2F%2Fnpr-brightspot.s3.amazonaws.com%2F03%2F23%2F70c473c04f3ba4e4ee4850e1243f%2Fcompliments-10-final.jpg" class="img" alt=" Boothby and Zhou share advice on …

How to give a great compliment

Be specific. Say exactly what you liked and how it had a positive impact on you. It can make the compliment feel more genuine. Do it in private if you think a person might feel shy about getting praised in public. Be sincere. Don’t mince your words or try to pass off your praise as a joke. Don't hold back for fear of saying exactly the right thing, the right way, at the right time. " loading="lazy"/>

This comedian was edited by visible editor Beck Harlan. We might love to listen to from you. Depart us a voicemail at 202-216-9823, or e-mail us at LifeKit@npr.org.